Let me preface this post by saying that if your kids use IPads and it works for your family, then I commend you! There’s no one size fits all mentality here and ZERO judgement. I’m just relaying how it went down in our house and how it’s going now. Again, if you’ve got a system that works, all the power to you! I never could get a hold of it. Here’s our story.
When we had Sami we were first time parents and totally clueless. He was…how can I put this…the poster child for colic. So we did anything and everything we could to stop him from crying and get a few moments of sweet silence. For whatever reason, the vacuum and downdraft for the stove worked wonders and we had them running almost around the clock. The exhaustion was beyond. I honestly can’t remember much as a result of constant delirium. Or maybe I’ve blocked most of it out. But he must have been around 2-2 1/2 years when we first introduced the IPad. As soon as we gave it to him, the crying would stop and we would have a few precious moments of sanity, a few minutes of relief and time to do what needed to be done.
But what started as a random occurrence, turned into hour long stretches and beyond. It was a simple way to hold his attention for a period of time, but it turned into a full on screen addiction. Sure, we put educational games on there and that’s what we wanted him to do, but when he went to school and learned about apps that his friends were playing, he would ask for them. “This game is so cool and it’s not violent! Please Mom!” The educational stuff might as well have been non-existent. He was obsessed with Youtube Kids and gaming. Even though Youtube Kids is advertised for “kids,” there was plenty of inappropriate content on there that he shouldn’t have seen. And when Covid hit, it just fueled the addiction even further.
When the time limit was up, the tantrum began. It was like he was possessed, overcome with anger and rage when we tried taking it away. It was like we were fighting a losing battle. We knew it was way too much screen time. We wanted it to end at the half hour mark but felt like it was a flawed system designed to make our lives as parents a living hell. We put time limits on but as Sami grew older he got smarter and as soon as the time was up, the options popped up, “Ignore Limit for 15 minutes” or “Ignore Limit for Today.” Which one do you think he picked most often? It was driving us crazy. When we had family over, he was on the IPad. In the car ride, IPad. At the restaurant, IPad. As Lilly got older, we let her use an old IPod and just like Sami, she grew more and more addicted to it. It’s like they were under a spell. One that we couldn’t break. Until one day, we finally did.
We were having yet another argument over screen time after the 30 minutes was up and Sami threw the IPad on the floor.
The screen completely shattered.
Every time I think back on it, it seriously felt like the spell was broken! The curse had been lifted! He lost his temper, threw it down, and it broke. No one to blame but himself. And just like that, it was over.
Since then, it’s like we have our son back. Sami’s like a different kid. He’s engaged again in life, back to reality, more active, exuberant. My husband and I always say, that IPad breaking was the best thing that ever happened. We also completely took Lilly’s IPod out of the equation as well. Yep. We simply said no more devices.
Amazingly, they don’t ask for them anymore, not ever actually. Honestly, I think Sami and Lilly were ready for a change too. I believe (although they’d never admit to it) that they, too, felt it was time. It was a breaking point.
Now, they do what we did as kids to relax like watch tv or play computer games once in a while. Other than that, they’re outside as much as possible, using their imaginations instead of living in a world that’s created for them.
They play together instead of zoning out alone in separate spaces.
I feel like this is how it should’ve always been and feel guilty for the time we lost.
But I’m so relieved now.
They’re actually kids again, doing what kids should do and are happier and healthier for it. Now when we go to restaurants Sami does ask for one of our phones and I do give it to him. He knows that’s the ONLY time he’ll get it and as soon as we get up to leave, he hands it right over. I know that one day, as he gets older he might ask for an IPad again or a phone. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. But for now, that phase is over and I couldn’t be happier.
I say this lovingly and from experience, if you’re on the fence about getting one for your kid/s, I’m begging you, don’t do it. You’ll save yourself so much hassle, headaches and arguments when you just don’t have it as an option. Be present with them whenever possible, let them be kids and run outside, learn to solve conflicts when they arise. Zoning out in an alternate reality won’t allow them to do any of that.
Life without IPads is possible and in my humble opinion, way better.
And hey, I realize that our solution (our son accidentally chucking and breaking his IPad) isn’t a possibility for other families, but there is hope! If you’re struggling like we were with technology wars, you should definitely check out Positive Parenting Solutions. Inside the program, Amy McCready has various “Survival Guides” including a Technology Survival Plan. I also started listening to a new podcast recently called Successful Parenting and they have two episodes dedicated to technology. There are a lot of resources and help out there. Even if it feels hopeless now, it WILL get better.
