There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.
Sue Atkins
The kids have been back in school for over a month now but it’s safe to say that we’re still in the transition phase from summer. Lilly struggled the most transitioning to Kindergarten for the full day. At the start of the school year, I had high hopes…ok, let’s be honest, completely unrealistic expectations.
I naively assumed my kids knew exactly what to do in the mornings.
It’s simple.
Brush your teeth, get dressed, eat a good breakfast and we’d be on our merry way. It’s so easy, right?
It went like this: I’d walk softly and slowly into the room, whisper in their ears and try to gently wake them. They would groggily respond and get up a few minutes later while I waited for them downstairs.
Here’s where the trouble came. I thought they’d do exactly what they needed to in a timely manner, then meet me downstairs like little angels, eat their nutritious breakfast and we’d be on our way. Simple, right?
Yeah…not so much. Talk about head in the clouds!
This is what actually happened. Instead of getting ready for the day, they would draw pictures or play with our cat or chit chat with each other about something that happened at school. Then, I’d look at the clock and suddenly, sheer panic set in.
Guys! Are you ready? It’s time to go! …crickets.
As I rushed upstairs, I’d find them still in their pajamas, sitting in the rocking chair looking at me totally confused.
Why aren’t you dressed?! Did you brush your teeth? You didn’t even brush your teeth yet? Oh my God! We’re going to be so late! Hurry! You need to go fast! Now!!!
I’d try to quickly corral them in a mad dash, yelling in the process, rush downstairs, fumble with jackets, shoes and backpacks, shove a poptart in their hands and run out the door, like a whirlwind. Then, in the car I would continue with, Why is this so hard? Why can’t you get ready on time? You can’t dilly dally. Now, we’re going to be late! And we live 3 minutes away from the school! How embarrassing!
After dropping them off, I’d feel an overwhelming sense of guilt wash over me.
Jeez, I yelled at them first thing in the morning. Great start. What’s wrong with me? I was already drained but now had to face the rest of my day.
After a few weeks, I had enough and wised up. I was desperate to find a better way. I wanted to start the day off on the right foot, not in panic mode.
So I turned to Amy McCready from Positive Parenting Solutions. I bought her course 3 years ago and I still refer back to it whenever I’m on the parenting struggle bus. She gives you various tools and strategies to implement with kids along with useful insights that really opened my eyes to how my kids think, feel and behave.
So how’d we solve our morning struggles?
In my desperation, I turned to her “Taming Morning Mania” module. One of the many perks in learning from Amy is she provides you with these nuggets of wisdom like a kids innate feelings of belonging and significance. They want to feel important and empowered since their world is constantly controlled by their parents. Truth!
So she recommended using a clipboard and making a checklist of the things they need to get done in the mornings. They check off their tasks to feel a sense of power and control over their environment. But they need incentive, too. So you present it as a When-Then scenario. For example, “When you check everything off your list, then you can go ride your bike outside before school!” Smart, right?! I mean I was close to giving them popsicles in the morning if it got them out the door. So this I had to try.
I bought them their own white boards from Target and colorful markers so we could easily reuse them each day. Like any new routine or process, it takes a few days to get it and be successful.
We started last week and let me tell you, our mornings have been transformed.
This was such an easy and brilliant change to make. It’s made all the difference! And it’s fun! On Lillys checklist, I draw pictures too since she’s still learning how to read. My son, Sami, has really been loving it because he thrives on routine. He always needs to know what to expect. He also struggles with staying on task and is easily distracted, as so many of us are these days! This gives him so much relief and direction. It really helps him stay on track!
Along with the white boards, we also use a timer. I got a kid-friendly one, like this on Amazon so they can actually see the time winding down! These 2 changes have seriously made our mornings so much smoother! Starting off with this routine really sets us up for a much better day.
A key point that’s worth mentioning is being up and ready before your kids are up. I wake up early, like 5:15/5:30. I know it’s early and some days it feels impossible to do it.
And that’s ok!
I try at least 4-5 days a week to be up early, get a work out in, shower and be ready to go before the kids so I start my day on the right foot. On the days I don’t exercise, I get up at least half an hour before the kids to have some peace and quiet before we all hit the ground running.
It’s really important to make that time for yourself.
I never regret doing so and I always feel accomplished starting my day like that, not to mention more energized. When you feel ready and prepared, you can face the day in a more confident way. Seriously.
I also have their lunches made the night before so it’s one less thing to worry about the morning of. If you can prep ahead of time, it takes a lot of the pressure off. I learned this the hard way. But better late than never!
Change takes time. This is a hard lesson that I’ve finally come to accept. It’s not realistic to change everything all at once.
Think about it.
You climb a mountain one careful step at a time. If you try to revamp everything in a day, it’ll end in disappointment.
I know this. I’ve been there. Baby steps.
Once you’ve made one small change and stuck with it, then move on to the next one.
So if you give the white board and timer a try, let me know how it works for you! I know how hard it can be, but believe me, if I can do this, you can too!